Funny thing about balance…it needs to not pendulum from one thing to another. It’s about finding the right combination of everything that makes life work in a reasonable, healthy way. I’ve been a little off balance lately, hence not writing in a while.
This summer has been an experiment in finding healthy balance. Some days, weeks, even, have been great! Some, unfortunately, have not.
Life has a way of jumping in and making things harder, and my general response is to revert to obsessive TV show watching and eating like crazy. When August brought the one year anniversary of my father’s sudden death and the spreading of his ashes, I fought the urge to revert to those crutches. Some days were okay, others not. Then I turned to other somewhat destructive things, like shopping, over-eating, and not exercising as much. Oh, and being sad. That wasn’t fun either.
Dad’s resting place:
I learned in the past couple of weeks that even when life throws you major curveballs, it can also provide you with the tools to accept and move past those things. A week and a half after the anniversary, I feel almost released of the burden of that first year of grief. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still grieving and miss my dad like crazy, but that year of firsts is over. We made it through. I made it through more grief at work. I made it through last school year. I made it through all the little and big things that have made me feel awful, and I’m trying to learn from all of it. I’m trying to not be so hard on myself, but at the same time hold myself accountable for my feelings and actions. I’m trying to infuse positive things into my life instead of harping on all the terrible things in the world.
Today marks my last week of summer vacation. Today, I got back on the elliptical. Today, I am working on redefining and finding my balance before the new school year starts.
One of my favorite Broadway actresses, Sierra Boggess, inspired me yesterday in a video interview she did. She said making the choice to be happy is scary. It is easier for us to live in our negativity and complaining than to make the decision to accept it and leave it behind to live in the now. She said this:
And that got me thinking. It is so hard to accept ourselves as “enough” because there are so many outside influences telling us we aren’t enough that we start to believe it.
I am going to try my best to remember that I am enough. I’m going to try my hardest to bring healthy habits into my life. I’m going to try my hardest to live here and now instead of worrying about what could be, and instead, accept what is and be grateful.
Will I fail and fall down at times? I’m sure, but I’m tired of being negative, sad, ungrateful, and stuck. Hopefully, readers, you will be inspired by the journey, too!
Who or what has inspired your life’s journey, especially in trying times? What works for you to get back up when you fall?